i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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