This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
