that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
