dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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