The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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