so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
