Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
