i love accidental penises.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
