I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
