the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
