it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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