That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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