you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Randomize
