What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
