2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
