Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
