I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
