If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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