Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
