I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
