I want to walk on stilts...naked
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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