I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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