Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
