Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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