the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
