So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
