Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
