help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
BRING THE BAGELS
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
