We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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