Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
