Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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