Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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