Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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