i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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