Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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