My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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