Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
