we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
