how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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