I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
