The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
