i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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