that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's never too late to be topless.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
