Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
