she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
