One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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