Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
