You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
