i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
