Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
